Coaching

Coaching 

Helping individuals help themselves

On 26^th January 2011, Jeddah had unprecedented rain that led to flooding on the roads. This led to extraordinary personal or business loss in terms of cars getting totaled to people spending umpteenth hours walking on the flooded streets to the shop mechanizes wasted. Following the social media, in such a situation, made me realize that there are “generally” two groups of people  (a) Who are sharing sad pictures of the city and blaming the issue to somebody and (b) People who have moved forward and are now helping in rehabilitation. What I have come to conclude is that it all boils down to the “Mind-Set” that lead us to react differently to the same situation. It all boils down to how we “lead our brain” in a specific situation as discussed http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/lead-brain.html

A few days back, we talked about how can we PUSH people towards a positive mindset. http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/pushing-people-to-give-in-their-best.html . Unluckily, not all the individuals are willing to take “dictation” so today we will talk about how can we COACH people towards helping themselves.

Coaching is a process that enables the individual achieve their full potential.

 It helps the individual find their “blind spot”, purposefully moving them out of their comfort zone and stretching oneself to new heights.


It is different from teaching or facilitating. In teaching/facilitating the instructor tells what is the right way of doing thing. However, in coaching, the coach only asks the questions to the coachee to help him find the direction themselves. In the end, coaching bears better results, because, people have more ownership to their ideas rather than somebody else’s ideas.


Now the question appears, how to go on about doing coaching.  Lets follow the GROW model (Goal, Reality, Options and Will) of coaching http://www.mindtools.com/pages/article/newLDR_89.htm

§         Goal (Establishing a Goal) i.e.

o        Agree on the topic of discussion with the coachee

o        Agree on specific, measurable, realistic and time bound objectives that the coachee wants to achieve post this engagement.

§         Reality (Examining the current reality) i.e. asking the coachee to describe the current reality, this will help in knowing where they are. Coach should not assume the current situation, neither put words in coachee’s mouth, but should only be listening and asking questions so as the coachee can personally understand the reality. The question one can ask are

o        What is happening now?

o        How often does this happen?

o        How does it impact your life?

o        Is it a logical problem, emotional problem or a feeling issue?

o        What have you tried to overcome this?

o        What has worked?

o        What has not worked?

§         Options (Exploring the Options) i.e. asking the coachee how does he/she moves forward, its time to explore what is possible, meaning all the possible options should be put on the table by the coachee (not the coach). As a coach your responsibility is to help your team member generate as many options as possible via probing on

o        What can we do to change the situation?

o        Are their any alternatives to this, any other alternative?

o        Lets change your perspective, and consider yourself as a third person looking at this situation, what is he seeing, what options will he recommend you?

o        How would your life change, once this problem is overcome?

o        Have you seen anybody else with this issue, what did they do, can you do the same?

o        What constraints are there?

o        How can you weigh different options?

As a coach, one should not suggest options, but ask questions in leading the team member towards different options.

§         Will (Establishing the Will to improve) i.e. Most probable, by now, your coachee will have a good ideas on how to achieve their Goal. This is a major step forward, however, you need to establish a will (as a coach) to ensure that their plans materialize and they are motivated to change / improve / stretch. The questions that you can ask your team to generate that motivation are

o        Which option will take you towards your goal the quickest?

o        So what will you do now and when?

o        What can stop you from moving forward?

o        How will you overcome these obstacles?

Coaching is all about making sure that the coachee knows that they are working with you, not for you

Best quality of the coach is to ask alot of challenging questions and let the coachee come back with solutions.

Your comments will be appreciated, Please feel free to add...... and visit the full blog at http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/

Coach will let the people see what they can, rather than what they cant.

Pushing people to give in their best

Continuing with lead the brain discuss http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/lead-brain.html  below is a summary of a book that throws light on how can we help people around us build a habit of  "leading their brain out of adversity"

 

MindSet  (Summary of a book by Carol S. Dweck)!

Don’t divide the world into week and strong, success or failures…. But divide the world into learners and non-learners.

There are two types of Mindsets

1.      Fixed mindset.  Where an individual believes that his/her qualities are carved in stone. They have a specific amount of intelligence, personality and moral character. And they have to prove this over and over again, because they feel every situation is evaluated. And they have to ensure that they deliver on their personal belief of the amount of intelligence, personality and character they have. These people end up blaming the "3rd Person" for any adversity or challenge in their life. Hence are stalled in their feet when stretched.

2.      Growth mindset.  Here an individual believes that his/her qualities can be cultivated through efforts. Although, initially, people may differ in every which way – in their initial talents and aptitudes. But everyone can change and grow through application and experience. This creates a passion for learning and stretching  themselves. People in growth mindset, thrive on challenge as the bigger the challenge, the more they can stretch and learn. In growth mindset, failures don’t define you, but it is considered t be a problem that has to be dealt with and learned from.

How to Develop Growth Mind Set in Others. It can be developed at any age

1.      Send development messages. Every word and action sends a message. It tells children or students or peers or athletes – how to think about themselves. It can be a fixed mindset message that says: you have a permanent trait and I am judging it. Or it can be a growth mindset message that says: you are a developing person and I am interested in your development.

2.      Don’t stereotype or label people. Praising people for their effort as well as the result. This will help people find success via learning and improving. If you start labeling people, they move towards fixed mindset and hence do not admit and correct their deficiencies. A student mentioned that I am always praised for my intelligence rather than my efforts, and slowly buy surely I developed an aversion to difficult challenge.

3.      Inculcate True self confidence via pushing them towards learning mode i.e. the courage to be open – to welcome change and new ideas.  This will help in making people ready to grow.  To grow true self confidence, we should focus on praising the work that they have put in i.e.  That homework was so long and involved. I really admire the way you concentrated and finished it.  Focus on inculcating that skills and achievement come through commitment and effort.

4.      Push people towards Observe, Learn and Improve Set high standards for people around you and keep raising the bar. Focus on telling them that “you have to apply yourself each day to become a little better. By applying yourself to the task of becoming a little better each and every day over a period of time, you will become a lot better”

Gist being

“Did I win? Did I lose? These are wrong question. The correct question is: did I make my best effort? If yes that you may be outscored,  but you will never lose”

To read the full blog please visit http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/  

 

Lead the Brain

Lead the Brain

First say to yourself what you would be;
and then do what you have to do

On 26^th January, Jeddah had unprecedented rain that led to breaking of a few smaller dams leading to flooding on the roads. Some major roads were flooded, that led to extraordinary personal or business loss in terms of cars getting totaled to people spending umpteenth hours walking on the flooded streets to the shop mechanizes wasted.  


Following the social media, in such a situation, made me realize that there are “generally” two groups of people  (a) Who are sharing sad pictures of the city and blaming the issue to somebody and (b) People who have moved forward and are now helping in rehabilitation.
What I have come to conclude is that it all boils down to the “Mind-Set” that lead us to react differently to the same situation. It all boils down to how we “lead our brain”


To elaborate:


Brain in my opinion, responds to the questions we ask it. If we tell our brain we are in a disaster due to this rain, the brain will reply, yes you are doomed, and now xyz bad things will happen to you. However, if you had asked your brain, that how can I make best use of this circumstances due to rain. The brain will start thinking towards finding a solution.  All in all, we have to lead our brain and ask the right question.


Lets do an exercise, look at any object around you and tell your brain, this object is blowing up. I am sure that most of you would have visualized the object blowing up and you getting hurt. Now, if you look at the same object and tell your brain that look how beautiful this object is. Most probably, your brain would have shown you aspects of this beauty.


Lead your brain, rather than being led by it.


Whenever in distress, People with positive “mind set” ask the question of “what is the solution of this problem” rather than people who have a negative mindset who keep telling themselves that things are bad and their brain keeps reinforcing this. And this is the difference we see on the road, some people are working on their cars to get them running again (positive mind set), while the others are sitting besides their cars with both their hands on the head (negative mind set). It will not help in blaming others or in reinforcing the negative feeling. Rather it would help, if we ask the brain, how can we get out of this situation….


Lead your brain, rather than being led by it.

Success Begins With Personal Development And Ends With Goal Attainment

Jeddah Rain 26th Jan 11

26th January 2011

Water on Andalus Street (inbetween arafat street and tahlia).  The amazing observation was that people were stuck for hours at end, but they did not lose their cool and enjoyed.

And now the area of Bariman. Location in between hira st and Panda bariman on Amir Mitb road

I hope every body in jeddah reached home safely. Also, i was amazed to see females walking into tahlia mall to shop while the roads outside were flooded. Kudos to their focus and motivation to shop.

Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction

These days we are discussing the 9 tactics that lead to self / others motivation. The nine tactics being (1) Recognition, (2) Trust, (3) Challenge, (4) Direction and Communication, (5) Opportunity, (6) Personal Stake, (7) Freedom of Choice, (8) Incentive and (9) Association with a team or group.

We have discussed recognition, and how it is used to tame killer whales  http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/rrecognition-can-tame-killer-whale-why.html

And Trust and the behaviors that help build trust http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/people-respond-to-trust-by-upholding-it.html

And Challenge http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/life-challenges-help-us-discover.html 

Todays focus will be role of  Direction and Communication in motivating self and others

As humans we don’t want to move out of our comfort zone, hence a comprehensive direction will make us feel in control and motivate us to move forward. Everyday we face a lot of challenges, that throw our focus around and at times break our heart and resolve. However, if we are sure of our direction/goals, we will continue to move as Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal and if we lose focus we should remind ourselves that we are kept from our goals not by obstacles but by a clear direction forward.

Jim Collins in his book “Builds to last” mentions that  companies that outlasted different generations, economic up and down trends, wars etc were driven via sense of purpose beyond just money, and this sense of continuity of purpose acted as a bond that held the organization together and focused in the face of change.

A strong sense of Direction helps us become architect of future rather than victims.

Communication helps as a feedback loop for us and the whole team, it is used to comfort us in adverse times, pep us up during challenges, direct others who are losing focus and so on.

Good communication is as stimulating as a strong black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after

Please feel free to add...... or visit the full blog at  http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/

Now.....Go on confidently in the “direction” of your dream, live the life you have imagined.   No wonder, people live a year very happily if they stick to their resolution and direction.

Life challenges help us discover ourselves

Challenges help us discover ourselves

These days we are discussing the 9 tactics that lead to self / others motivation. The nine tactics being (1) Recognition, (2) Trust, (3) Challenge, (4) Direction and Communication, (5) Opportunity, (6) Personal Stake, (7) Freedom of Choice, (8) Incentive and (9) Association with a team or group.


We have already talked about Trust http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/people-respond-to-trust-by-upholding-it.html

And recognition, and how it is used to tame killer whales http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/rrecognition-can-tame-killer-whale-why.html .



Today lets think  “Challenge” i.e. asking people to do, what they have not done before. Word it right and watch them reach their zenith. Its is proven that people thrive at tasks that are at or just beyond their skill level.  If you word it wrong, people might get de motivated see the video below as example of both instances and choose for yourself.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EnvjaaeVBxo&feature=player_embedded

While thinking about distributing responsibilities to your team. Dont think of giving it to people who have already done such a work before. Think of an old OAK Tree, because the strongest oak tree of the forest is not the one that is protected from the strom and hidden from the sun. It is the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and raind and the sun.


We will continue to grow if we think that life's challenges are not suppose to paralyze us, they are their to help us discover who we are.

For inspiration, please see the  below vidoe.,,, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoSdCCt4Ljs

People respond to trust by upholding it. Trust is a motivator

During the next few days we will discuss the 9 tactics that lead to self / others motivation. The nine tactics being (1) Recognition, (2) Trust, (3) Challenge, (4) Direction and Communication, (5) Opportunity, (6) Personal Stake, (7) Freedom of Choice, (8) Incentive and (9) Association with a team or group.

Yesterday we talked about Recognition, and how it is used to tame killer whales http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/2011/01/rrecognition-can-tame-killer-whale-why.html .

Today lets think  “Trust”

It takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it
Trust is one of the most powerful forums of motivation and inspiration. People want to be trusted and they respond to trust by trying to uphold it. Nothing is as fast as the speed of Trust.

Below is a small summary of a book I read over the past few days titled “The Speed of Trust”. Simply put Trust means confidence. The opposite of trust – Distrust- is suspicion. The moment there is suspicion about a person’s motives, everything he/she does becomes tainted. That is the moment when people automatically start discounting everything you say by 20/30 % or even more. We are living in a very fast paced and changing world. As you go to work or home or somewhere else, your top responsibility should be to build trust.

Trust is a function of two things: character and competence. Character includes your integrity, your motive as perceived by others, your intent as perceived by people. Competence includes your capabilities, your skills, your results, and your track record. Competence is situation: it depends on what the circumstance requires.

There are 13 behaviors that can help you build trust with anybody. All the 13 behaviors require a combination of both character and competence. The first five flow initially from character, the second five from competence and the last three from an almost equal mix of character and competence.

Behavior # 1 – Talk Straight i.e. be honest, tell the truth. Let people know where you stand. Don’t manipulate people or distort facts and hence don’t leave a false impression.

Behavior # 2 – Demonstrate Respect i.e. genuinely care for others. Show you care. Treat people as human beings, if they know you care, it brings out the best in them. Respect the dignity of every person and every role. Treat everyone with respect, especially those who can’t do anything for you. Each contribution needs to be honored and respected no matter how small a contribution is to an activity or an effort. Show kindness in the little things. Don’t fake caring.

Behavior # 3 – Create Transparency i.e. Tell the truth in a way people can verify. Get real and genuine. Be open and authentic. Operate on the premise of “What you see is what you get. “ Don’t have hidden agendas, don’t hide information.

Behavior # 4 – Right Wrongs i.e. More than simply apologizing, make restitution. Its doing what you can to correct the mistake and then a little more. Make things right when you are wrong. Apologize quickly. Demonstrate personal humility. Don’t cover things up. Don’t let pride get in the way of doing the right thing.

Behavior # 5 – Show Loyalty i.e. give credit freely. Acknowledge the contributions of others. Speak about people as if they were present. Represent others who aren’t there to speak for themselves. Don’t bad mouth others behind their backs. Don’t disclose others private information.

Behavior # 6 – Deliver Results i.e. Get the right thing done. Make things happen. Accomplish what you are hired to do. Don’t over promise and under deliver. Don’t make excuses for not delivering. Results give you instant credibility and instant trust. They give you clout. They clearly demonstrate that you add value that you can contribute, that you can perform.

Behavior # 7 – Get Better i.e. continuously improve. Increase your capabilities. Be a constant learner. Develop feedback systems both formal and informal. Act on the feedback you receive. Than people for feedback. Don’t consider yourself above feedback. Don’t assume today’s knowledge and skills will be sufficient for tomorrow’s challenges.

Behavior # 8 – Confront Reality i.e. take the tough issues head on. Its about sharing the bad news as well as the good, Don’t bury your head in the sand.

Behavior # 9– Clarify Expectations i.e. Remember all conflict is a result of violated expectations. Clarifying expectations is all about creating shared vision and agreement about what is to be done up front. You can also call it behavior of prevention by disclosing and revealing expectations, discussing them, validating them, Renegotiating them if needed and possible. Never assume that expectations are clear or shared.

Behavior # 10 – Practice Accountability i.e. Take responsibility for results. Be clear on how you will communicate how you are doing and how others are doing. Don’t avoid or shirk responsibility. Don’t blame others or point fingers when things go wrong.

Behavior # 11 – Listen First i.e. Listen before you speak. Understand. Diagnose. Listen with your ears and your eyes and heart. Don’t presume you have the entire answers o all the questions.

Behavior # 12 – Keep Commitments i.e. Say what you are going to do, then do what you say you are going to do. Make commitments carefully and keep them. Make keeping commitments the symbol of your honor. Don’t break confidences. Don’t attempt to PR your way out of commitment you have broken.

Behavior # 13 – Extent Trust i.e. Demonstrate a propensity to trust. Extend trust abundantly to those who have earned your trust. Extend trust conditionally to those who are earning your trust. Learn how to appropriately extend trust to others based on the situation, risk, and credibility of the people involved. While Behavior 1 to 12 help you become a more trusted person, this behavior will help you become a more trusting leader. Not only des it build trust, it leverages trust. It creates reciprocity, when you trust people, other people tent to trust you in return.

Please feel free to add...... or visit the full blog at http://hunt-for-motivation.blogspot.com/